Vanity thought #332. Blowing of the mind

Several things seem to be converging together, which I take as a good sign that I’m on the right track. Even if I’m wrong it looks like a mistake I need to make to learn something.

So, the topic of free will originally inspired by Dandavats rolls on and it further inspired someone who called him/herself BBD to post a comment I totally concur with – the dilemma of a free will is a symptom of a conditioned soul lacking knowledge of the true nature of things.

When we really become devotees rather than just issue a declaration of intent we will see the world as it is, and, as BBD rightly pointed out, it should look like this:

Within this world, whatever is perceived by the mind, speech, eyes or other senses is Me alone and nothing besides Me. All of you please understand this by a straightforward analysis of the facts.

It’s from Srimad Bhagavatam 11.13.24 and it leaves no scope for having any kind of free will while being under the spell of the material nature, so that’s settled.

What I think is a remarkable coincidence is that just a few verses down this chapter, verse SB 11.13.36 says that a self realized person is not even aware of the situation of his material body, whether it’s sleeping, walking or sitting, which confirms my earlier hope that we don’t need to see the world through our minds at all.

We can totally exclude material mind from our consciousness, the way to achieve it is given to us by our acharyas – we need to purify it by engaging it in vaidhi bhakti but the goal is clear – on the platform of self-realization we and our minds should get a divorce.

Practically that means that during japa, for instance, there’s no need to engage our minds in listening. Of course we should avoid listening to the minds, too, but listening to the Holy Names doesn’t need to involve the mind as a third party.

In the initial stages, and I hope it will progress further than this, we don’t have access to any facilities of our souls to engage in serving the Holy Name but I guess even a passive listening would be a great start already.

Eventually, I hope in my naivety, we will find the way to engage in serving the Holy Name internally, unaware of the engagements of our material bodies, whether they are walking or sitting. It doesn’t mention the mind directly but no activity of the body is possible without engaging the mind to a some degree so I hope that choices of whether to sit or to walk, or to walk where, will continue to be made, by our minds, but without our internal awareness.

Another activity that we are supposed to be indifferent to is sleeping, especially the deep sleep. Sleep had been mentioned in the same chapter quite a few times earlier and from the way Krishna explained its nature I think we should be able to test the level of our self-realization by how much we are aware of Krishna’s existence during deep sleep.

Currently I’m hardly aware of my own existence but if I monitor it carefully and I don’t sense any progress – I’m definitely on the wrong path here.

So, that’s my homework.

On the other hand it would be so much easier if I stopped worrying about my own progress and threw myself at serving Srila Prabhupada’s and Lord Chaitanya’s mission but while I’m waiting for the opportunity to arise I think I have no choice but to try something else, like sleeping, and so off I go to practice devotional service in a new and exciting, and at the same time relaxing way.

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