This is another implication of accepting Hare Krishna mantra as the yuga dharma – my body maintenance. Having material desires now and then that require intervention of some higher powers is one thing, the thing I thought about yesterday, maintaining my body day in and day out is something different.
Over the years I developed an internal agreement that whatever I do to earn the money and whatever I do to try to please the Lord are two separate things. If I want devotion I appeal to Krishna, if I want promotion I appeal to my boss. This separation of powers itself is a thought for another day, but now I’m concerned with performing sankirtana yajna, its effects, and my motivations.
Over the years I’ve learned that God is for serving, we don’t pray to Krishna for our daily bread. By “we” I mean pure devotees and myself when I feel like being one, too. I’ve learned that it’s inappropriate to approach Krishna with mundane things, that it cheapens my otherwise exalted position.
Well, I don’t see any harm from this attitude per se, apart from boosting my ego, but when it leads to worshiping mundane demigods instead of Krishna there could be a problem.
I’ve learned that approaching Krishna as some material entity able to grant material wishes is an offense, so I approached anyone but Him, which, in turn, means worshiping demigods or worse. I ended up with worse.
I thought I needed to study this and master that, I had to attend these courses and obtain those certificates, get to know that kind of people and secure their support. That is what supposed to provide for me and my family, not Krishna.
I behave like an atheist who thinks he can force the higher powers to serve him the benefits independently of any devotion, or that devotion expressed as brown nosing can be used to extract those benefits.
Ultimately, I believe that there are powers other than Krishna and I can circumvent Him if I want to.
Now, what about trying to be the perfect devotee and avoid asking the Lord for material benedictions? Well, fine, if I can pull it off. Fine if I can drop those material desires and not ask anyone at all. In reality, however, if I keep wanting things then I shouldn’t try to imitate pure devotees, I shouldn’t try to place myself higher than I really am.
What I should do is to accept my unfortunate situation of approaching the Lord with silly, material hankerings and try to progress from there. It’s detrimental to my progress to imagine myself as a better devotee, or, indeed, as any level of devotee at all.
On the other hand, I want to present the best of myself for Krishna. To hell with his knowledge of my intimate heart, I utterly reject its desires anyway, I want to be the best for my Lord, wear my best clothes, offer my best obeisances, speak in my best voice and compose my best prayers.
Pardon me for not intruding with my constipation problems there.
Sometimes I screw up and have no choice but to pray to the Lord, I’m ashamed about me caring so much about external things but I really have no other place to go. I wish I didn’t want to go anywhere at all but I sometimes I need help.
I will patiently wait for the day when I feel indifferent to my problems. Today is not that day but I’m not going to beg my boss anymore. Okay, I will, for the sake of etiquette, but I will remember that the results depend on my performance of sankirtana yajna, not my boss’ mercy.
And by yajna here I mean chanting the Hare Krishna mahamantra, it IS supposed to fix ALL my material problems, it is the only way to solve any problems in Kali yuga. I’m sorry for coming to Krishna with this crap but something tells me it’s better to approach Him than anyone else.
Ok, how about a compromise – I will approach Lord Hari, the maintainer of the universe, and ask Him not to tell a word to Krishna Himself.
Will it work?