Vanity thought #24. Complacency.

I just caught myself having a very warm feeling as I was turning to my lunch rounds. It was like returning home, missing an old friend or something. It felt nice, but there’s another side to it, too – complacency.

 

I also caught myself settling for a compromise, enjoying my life AND doing a bit of chanting to supplement it. I’m not supposed to feel happy about my life, it’s a trick, and it makes me treat chanting Krishna’s Names as if they were there to help my enjoyment.

 

This complacency, I believe, is the core reason why I could be chanting life time after life time without getting any wiser, any closer to God. It’s just a huge waste of time.

 

Checked with books – there’s no other way to chant – one must feel desperate urgency and chant with utmost intensity and one shouldn’t settle for anything less than full realization of one’s relationship with Krishna.

 

Life is NOT happy, it’s an illusion, it might feel like it for a while but then it will change to feelings of sadness and sorrow, and then happiness again and so on, forever and ever. I MUST NOT become attached to any of those feelings, I MUST NOT relish dwelling in this material world. That is a huge, huge mistake – to trade this happiness for intense desire to meet the Lord.

 

I MUST NOT become complacent, I MUST NOT allow myself to feel satisfied. This place is not a joke and I can drown very easily.

 

And what is there to guarantee that I will not drown? The tiny, infinitesimal amount of what might externally appear as devotional service? If I engage in it to maintain my happiness here, where’s the service? Where’s the devotion? It is actually an offense – equate chanting Holy Names with karmic activities.

 

If I allow myself to go on like this I will most certainly be doomed.

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