Well, I was thinking where my durdaiva was yesterday, how was that I was so unfortunate, and my trusty, devious mind quickly came up with something.
You surely know that Krishna loves every living entity. Especially in Kali Yuga when there are no karmic reactions for sinful thoughts (saved me on more than a few occasions, too, thanks).
Krishna is very kind to all living entities, helps everybody to pursue their happiness no matter what they think.
What makes me very unfortunate is that he still counts every offense against the Holy Name, even before I can actually think it up.
Just a mere attitude change, not even a second to formulate how this or that devotee fails my standards of excellence and VROOM*, all nectar is gone, not a whiff of taste left. Even reciting the alphabet suddenly sounds more exciting (try backwards if plain ABC doesn’t work for you).
What am I to do now? Join discussing rasa lila online, there are apparently lots of people in the same predicament there already. Maybe that will help my bruised ego of a great but under-appreciated devotee.
I mean if punishing me like that is not durdaiva, then what is?
I am sure I had a lot more personal responsibility for initially turning away from Krishna and falling down here. I don’t think it was a durdaiva type accident.
The punishment for Nama Aparadha, though, is swift and brutal. Krishna doesn’t cut a slack here, and these strict rules ARE NOT MY FAULT!
Wasn’t it a clever excuse or not? Kudos to the restless mind.
* Vroom is a thing that cleans up the snow from Cat in the Hat books. Very, very effective.